


Carlacc 2: Son of Carlacc

by facingthenorthwind (spacegandalf)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Alternate Universe - College | University, Car Sex, Gore, Kinks, Medical Inaccuracies, Murder, Other, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pregnancy, Sarlacc Game, Theology, Wranglers Are Not Adult Supervision, cars having sex, inspired by Pixar's Cars, no cars or otw volunteers were harmed in the making of this sarlacc game
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:41:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29858241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacegandalf/pseuds/facingthenorthwind
Summary: I ran a game for my friends that was an unholy cross between Mafia, D&D and some creature out of the depths unknown to the wider public. Despite the name, this has no connection to the first Carlacc which was impossible to put on ao3, except that the parents in this game were the characters in Carlacc 1 and many children inherited their powers. It was themed around sentient cars having sex because of an in-joke and I committed........ too hard. Here lies the repository of my shame.
Relationships: Original Character(s)/Original Character(s)
Kudos: 6
Collections: Sarlacc Game Collection





	1. Dramatis Personae

**Author's Note:**

> So first of all it may be useful to... whoever is reading this (???) to explain how this type of game works. There are several flavours of sarlacc, but I'm only going to explain the relevant one.
> 
> There are two teams, both alike in dignity (none) and evilness (a fair amount). Their goal is to eliminate the other team. Each team has a private chat seen only by them and the Game Masters (GMs). People who have been eliminated (either expelled or murdered, in this game) also have a private chat, but there is one living player in there: the medium. Everyone has a power that helps them defeat the other team, the specifics of which will be established below. There are also players who do not start in team rooms but can be recruited; they can either have a team alignment already, making them unable to be recruited to the other team, or they're neutral, able to recruited by either. In this game, there's also a Serial Killer who cannot be recruited to any team and whose goal is to have everyone else dead. Wills/parting letters could be written at any point before a player dies, but they obviously won't know how it happens which is why some of them refer to death when they've been expelled, etc.
> 
> Also in this game pregnancy was a mechanic that gave you an extra optional power but that won't affect the narrative in here.
> 
> Hopefully that's enough context but if you're reading this but DON'T know sarlacc, feel free to ask questions in the comments.
> 
> All writing by me unless otherwise specified!

# Our Teams

### Welcome to Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory!

The most important thing you’ve got to know about your new college family is that you have a Capital N Nemesis -- the Caretha Franklin Dormitory. You’ve usually just engaged in a prank war, but circumstances have escalated the conflict! Your dorm president, Herbeter, has been placed on academic censure for unknown reasons -- and you’re sure this is Caretha Franklin Dormitory’s fault somehow. The only appropriate retaliation to this act of warfare is to frame the Caretha Franklin Dormitory’s members for failing too many classes leading to their expulsion, obviously. 

Sleeping with people in your dorm has been known to cause drama! Although you are certainly welcome to do so, please remember you may lead a more pleasurable life if you keep your romantic trysts outside of the dorm. Regardless, we ask that no talk of your future conquests take place within the dorms. If you so choose, you are allowed to report on specific cars’ sexual prowess after the fact as well as anything caused by your tryst.

Your dorm has the ability to expel one player per round via sabotage (though this will keep you too busy to use your power!) and to attempt to recruit one player (which will leave you enough time to use your power, but the same car can’t sabotage and recruit in the same round). You can’t nominate the same car as the sabotager two rounds in a row. You can also play a prank of your choosing on your rival dormitory, although this will not have any effect on the gameplay. It’s just a fun cosmetic bonus!

* * *

### Welcome to Caretha Franklin Dormitory!

The most important thing you’ve got to know about your new college family is that you have a Capital N Nemesis -- the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory. You’ve usually just engaged in a prank war, but circumstances have escalated the conflict! Your dorm president, Krum, has been placed on academic censure for unknown reasons -- and you’re sure this is Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory’s fault somehow. The only appropriate retaliation to this act of warfare is to frame the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory’s members for plagiarism leading to their expulsion, obviously.

Sleeping with people in your dorm has been known to cause drama! Although you are certainly welcome to do so, please remember you may lead a more pleasurable life if you keep your romantic trysts outside of the dorm. Regardless, we ask that no talk of your future conquests take place within the dorms. If you so choose, you are allowed to report on specific cars’ sexual prowess after the fact as well as anything caused by your tryst.

Your dorm has the ability to expel one player per round via sabotage (though this will keep you too busy to use your power!) and to attempt to recruit one player (which will leave you enough time to use your power, but the same car can’t sabotage and recruit in the same round). You can’t nominate the same car as the sabotager two rounds in a row. You can also play a prank of your choosing on your rival dormitory, although this will not have any effect on the gameplay. It’s just a fun cosmetic bonus!

# Our Players

You're **Herbeter** , beloved child of **Peter Parkedcar and Herbie**. You've got big dreams and bigger emotions and while some might call you childish for dreaming of following in your parents' unlikely tyretracks as a racecar or a superhero (a racing superhero?), your parents support you 100%. You're actually in your final year of your degree, but you seem to have absent failed one class from your freshman year... How unfortunate. You're the **dorm president of Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory** , which mostly involves supporting younger students and making sure traditions are upheld.  
  
It seems you're not so good at upholding traditions yourself, though -- despite the bitter rivalry between your dorm and the Caretha Franklin Dormitory across the road, you've found yourself in love with their dorm president. You were stuck together for a class project and one thing led to another and then, perhaps under the influence of a little bit of ethanol, you found yourself having sex on the university lawn. That kind of thing happens to everyone, right? You both were unlucky enough to get caught, though, and spent two days in a holding cell to make you learn your lesson. The dean didn't think that was enough punishment, however -- you're under academic censure until the dean sees fit to lift it. While everyone knows that you and the Caretha dorm president are both in trouble, no one knows the reason, as the dean made you both sign an NDA "so nobody gets ideas", with the threat of severe consequences if you break it.  
  
You're majoring in **physi-car therapy** because you want to help people with their chassis issues, inspired by seeing your parent Peter Parkedcar struggle because saving Car York City from villainy is not good for the joints. Using the skills Peter Parkedcar taught you, you can **follow** one person per round and see who they visit. You win if all the members of the Caretha Franklin Dormitory leave university OR if you manage to reunite with your secret lover, having sex in the graffiti tunnel as Car God intended.

* * *

You're **TITT** , beloved child of **KITT and Thomas the Tank Engine** , and you know you have a twin on campus somewhere. You've been raised with a big awareness of social justice, and have been going to support union picket lines from a very young age, between KITT's focus on crime and Thomas the Tank Engine's antifascist work. Although you've always been considered a little more serious than your peers, you still know how to blow off steam -- which is just as well, because you're hoping to get into your parents' dorm, the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory. You're majoring in **social work** since that seems like the best way you can come up with of helping to alleviate the societal problems that can lead to vulnerable people falling afoul of the legal system. Using the skills KITT taught you, every round you can pick one person to **block** , preventing them from using their power that round. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Caretha Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **Meep** , beloved child of **Jeep and My Mother the Car**. You're a very sweet car, but not always great socially, coming off as a little awkward. You're also an incurable romantic, dreaming of a beautiful wedding and a future full of warmth, family and happiness. My Mother the Car is somewhat of an overbearing parent, so you're very excited to go off to college and metaphorically spread your wings for the first time. Despite this, you do kind of want to get into your parents' dorm, the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, as a bit of a connection to home. You're majoring in **Fine Parts** with a focus on painting on a diesel, creating stunning, detailed artwork. Having a lot of experience with Jeep protecting you from danger at My Mother the Car's insistence, you have the power to **protect** one person per round, preventing them from being targeted by a power. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Caretha Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **Choom Boom** , the beloved child of **Dragster of Doom and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang**. You're here on a sports scholarship and tend to be known as one of the friendly jocks. You're sure you have a major, probably? You don't pay much attention to classes - why bother, when athletics are your passion. You're a triathlete, learning going fast, swimming and flying from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. One of your favourite ways to train is by chasing dogs -- but when you catch up with them, you're not entirely sure what to do with them. You're hoping to get into the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, which just so happens to be your parents' dorm when they went to university. Your skill at chasing dogs, learnt from Dragster of Doom, enables you to **power swap two players per round** , giving them the other one's power. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Carthera Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **NORDIS** , the beloved child of the **TARDIS and the Normandy SR-2**. You dream of one day returning to the skies -- your parents have told you of far-off planets they visited before they settled down to have you. They did say you had to get a university degree before you went off exploring though, so you're going to have fun while you're here. Perhaps even... too much fun. What are rules if not for breaking? You're majoring in **astronomotory** as preparation for your life after college and you really hope to be picked to join your parents' dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory. As part of your penchant for mischief encouraged by your parent the TARDIS, every round you can pick one player to **curse with a speech effect of your choosing**. Once you've used a specific curse, you cannot use it again. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Caretha Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **McQuater** , the beloved child of **Lightning McQueen and Tow Mater**. You're very self-confident (some might say arrogant), but luckily you channel that into being friends with seemingly everyone on campus (except your sworn rivals, the members of the Caretha Franklin dorm). You love pranking, which is handy because you're hoping to get into you parents' old dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory. While you're here on a sports scholarship, your real passion is your major in **mechanics** , which you chose so you could help fix up the cars that Tow Mater tows. Thanks to your familiarity with everyone on campus, you have the power to **watch** one player per round and see who they visit. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Caretha Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **Krum** , beloved child of **KITT and Brum**. You're usually solid and reliable, even a little set in your ways, but sometimes you crave the adrenaline of doing something inadvisable, like accompanying your parent KITT to fight some crime during the summer. You're actually in your final year of your degree, but you seem to have absent failed one class from your freshman year... How unfortunate. You're the **dorm president of Caretha Franklin Dormitory** , which mostly involves supporting younger students and making sure traditions are upheld. 

It seems you're not so good at upholding traditions yourself, though -- despite the bitter rivalry between your dorm and the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory across the road, you've found yourself in love with their dorm president. You were stuck together for a class project and one thing led to another and then, perhaps under the influence of a little bit of ethanol, you found yourself having sex on the university lawn. That kind of thing happens to everyone, right? You both were unlucky enough to get caught, though, and spent two days in a holding cell to make you learn your lesson. The dean didn't think that was enough punishment, however -- you're under academic censure until the dean sees fit to lift it. While everyone knows that you and the Caretha dorm president are both in trouble, no one knows the reason, as the dean made you both sign an NDA "so nobody gets ideas", with the threat of severe consequences if you break it.

You're majoring in **engine-eering** , hoping to create new tools to help KITT (and maybe you?) fight crime. Using the skills KITT taught you, you can **block** one player per round from using their power. You win if all the members of the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory leave university OR if you manage to reunite with your secret lover, having sex in the graffiti tunnel as Car God intended.

* * *

You're **Bruter** , the beloved child of **Peter Parkedcar and Brum**. You're fascinated by spiders and hate criminals, but you're a bit too cautious and set in your ways to be a vigilante like Peter Parkedcar. Your fascination with arachnids inherited from Peter Parkedcar means you're majoring in **entomotorology** , the study of mechanical insects and their use as drones. You dream of joining your parents' dorm, the Caretha Franklin Dormitory. Using the skills Peter Parkedcar taught you, you can **follow** one person per round and see who they visit. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, leave university.

* * *

You're **Beep** , beloved child of **Jeep and Crowley's Bentley**. You're sweet and a romantic but you're certainly not soft -- you don't let anything get you down, able to prevail against all odds at things that are important to you. You love the band Queen and you really wish you had a cool pair of sunglasses. You don't need sunglasses, but it would go very well with your aesthetic. You dream of joining your parents' dorm, Caretha Franklin Dormitory. You're majoring in **music** , hoping to work out the best way to get a car horn to play _Another One Bites the Dust_. Thanks to your sturdy exterior you inherited from Jeep, you're able to **protect** one player every round. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, leave university.

* * *

You're **Water** , the beloved child of **Weasley's Ford Anglia and Tow Mater**. Although you value your alone time in nature, you're also friendly and cheerful when you're on campus. You're there when people you care about need you, and that's what matters. You're also a fan of playful pranks, which is good because you're hoping to get into your parents' dorm, Caretha Franklin Dormitory. Your enthusiasm about nature has prompted you to major in **Agricarture** (though you _hate_ large spiders). Due to your experience with pranks learnt from Tow Mater, you have the ability to **Target Swap** , choosing two people per round and swapping who their powers target. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, leave university.

* * *

You're **Shanglia** , beloved child of **Weasley's Ford Anglia and Radiator Springs Sheriff**. You're been raised to have a strong respect for the law and you value your alone time, often spending it in nature. You're hoping to get into your parents' dorm, Caretha Franklin Dormitory. Inspired by Radiator Springs Sheriff's work in law enforcement but not so keen on having to be around people constantly as a police officer, you're majoring in **Politi-car Science** , studying how the cars who make the laws you respect so much work. Being able to use your politicar science skills to talk rings around people and with a bit of magic learned from the Ford Anglia, you have the power to **inflict a speech curse** on one player per round. You must use a different speech curse each round and once you've used a speech curse once you can't use it again. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, leave university.

* * *

You're **Magnetmobus** , beloved child of **Gadgetmobile and Magic School Bus**. You're very creative, frequently excelling in the science fair during your schooling days. Rules are more of a suggestion for you, which has sometimes got you in trouble, but your parents didn't mind too much. You also have a penchant for puns. Your rule breaking should come in handing if you get into your parents' dorm, Caretha Franklin Dormitory. Due to Magic School Bus's insistence that the laws of physics are more of a suggestion, you're majoring in **physics** so you can better understand exactly what those suggestions are. Gadgetmobile has taught you the importance of a stakeout when fighting crime, so you have the ability to **watch** one player per round and see where they go. You win if all the members of your rival dormitory, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, get expelled.

* * *

You're **Jamaro** , beloved child of **Stiles's Jeep and Derek's Camaro**. You're a hopeless romantic, inspired by the deep love your parents share -- it's said that their wedding was the event of the decade, with the entire town in attendance. You're sweet but a little awkward, and you love to try new things, inheriting your adventurousness from your parents. You don't mind which dormitory you get into -- you're just here for the college experience! You major in **litercarture** with a focus on romance novels (of course). Because of your love and respect for both your parents, you have the ability to **redirect any powers used on one player to another**. You pick both the player who is protected and the player who gets targeted with those power(s) instead. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're **Perbie** , beloved child of **Putt-Putt and Herbie**. The only thing you love more than racing is dogs -- and boy do you love dogs. Your pet dog is your favourite being in the whole world, and you used to take them everywhere until you went off to college, where you weren't allowed a dog on campus. Have you smuggled a dog onto campus? Perhaps. A close third behind dogs and racing is your well-known love of balloons; you once dreamt of working in a balloon factory but have since changed your focus, choosing to major in **bio-fuelology** , studying the interaction between animals (bio) and cars (fuel) and how they can coexist better. Well, you already coexist pretty excellently with your dog, but in a wider sense. You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you just want the fun of the college experience! (And also somewhere to keep your dog which you may or may not have.) During the summers, you have a job cutting lawns. Due to your sweet and charming nature inherited from Putt-Putt, you have the power to **one-shot revive** , sweet-talking the administration to let one student back to university. You suspect that if you tried, you might be able to sweet-talk even bigger powers, but only time will tell if that's necessary. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're the **Impala** , who was spoken into being by **Car God Themself**. When your unusual parentage was discovered, you briefly became a religious figure, something of a prophet to the people of your hometown, but have since fled. It was far too much pressure to have that big an influence on people's lives and everyone expected you to be able to fix all their problems. You've enjoyed your time working as a custodian in Radiator Springs, practically anonymous and certainly not anyone's prophet. Car God does like you to visit from time to time, so you occupy a somewhat liminal space between life and death, giving you the power of a **medium** , able to speak to the dead. As a mature age student from far away, you don't have any real preferences for what dormitory recruits you; you just want to experience the youth you never had as a prophet. You major in **religious studies with a focus in demonology** ; while you may have run away from your role in the religious spotlight, it's still fun to study what other cars believe about the powers beyond their grasp. You win by identifying the parent pair of all players; We will provide a list of possible parents, and each round you can submit a list and you will be told yes, no, or half for each car.

* * *

You're **Magic Motorcycle** , beloved child of **Vampire Motorcycle and Magic School Bus**. You've never been a well-behaved car, and your reputation precedes you -- both dormitories have already informed you in writing that you will not be welcome in on-campus accommodation and you're itching for revenge. Magic School Bus has tried to insist you're just desperate for a creative outlet and are acting out because of it, but Vampire Motorcycle has taught you how to deploy deadly weapons concealed under your red, yellow and black exterior and sharpen other parts of you into spikes so sharp they can rip metal. Since you've inherited Magic School Bus's firm belief that the laws of physics are just a suggestion, it's unclear if there are any limits as to what you're capable of. During the summer, you pole dance under the name **Magic Bike**. You major in **criminology** so you can make your crimes untraceable and using that knowledge you have you can prevent your expulsion once. Every round you can pick one car to **murder** and optionally you can describe the crime scene. You cannot murder in Round One. You know that your parentage will sway people against you from the get-go, so you often like to go by a different name - you even became president of the College Catalog Club so that any yearbook that includes you features false information. You win when every student in both dormitories are expelled or dead and your revenge is complete.

* * *

You're **Forgetmobile** , beloved child of **Weasleys' Ford Anglia and the Gadgetmobile**. You're always at the forefront of technological innovation. You're subscribed to way too many mechanics magazines, which you enjoying reading in the solitude of nature -- the forest near your house is, of course, a favourite. Despite your fondness for solitude, you're not without friends, and you're fiercely loyal to them, protecting them from danger as often as you can. Also, you take every opportunity for a bad pun. Everyone groans but you know they love it deep down. You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you just want the fun of the college experience! You're majoring in **forestry** which is pretty niche but you believe it's important to preserve it for future generations. You love the forest so much you want to share the experience with everyone -- you have the power to **silence** one player per round by taking them on a field trip with the Weasleys' Ford Anglia to the forest where there's no wifi. This will also make it harder for other players to identify if they've used their power on the player you silence. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're **Nortor** , beloved child of **Vampire Motorcycle and Normandy SR-2**. You love space and dream of one day exploring the stars, but your parents have insisted you get a university degree first. You know Normandy once served in the military, but Vampire Motorcycle has always been on the wrong side of the law, which has made for a strange upbringing but you know both parents love you very much. You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you just want the fun of the college experience! You're majoring in **astronomotory** to help prepare you for life after college. The combination of Vampire Motorcycle's history of getting away with crime and Normandy's experience with stealth training in the military gives you the skills needed to be a **thief** \-- every round you can pick someone to target and take any items they may have. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're **Cheep Cheep** , beloved child of **Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Stiles's Jeep**. You're sweet but awkward, a die hard romantic, and no one's entirely sure how you fit in all your hobbies in between your classes and sleep. A time machine, perhaps? You practically live at the athletics deparment with how many sports you play but you've not failed a class yet! That sports scholarship doesn't hurt either. You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you just want the fun of the college experience! You're majoring in **medicar science** because you hope to be a doctcar one day, inspired by your family's history of incurable diseases that you want to help find a cure for. Chitty Chitty Bang Bang has taught you their secrets and given you the power to **absorb powers** used on you, giving you the ability to use them yourself in the next round. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're **Kismas** , beloved child of **KITT and Thomas the Tank Engine** , and you know you have a twin on campus somewhere. You have a reputation of being a bit of a pessimist, but the trauma of your parents' upbringing has influenced that and you can't blame them for passing it onto you. But your pessimism doesn't mean you've given up! You're heavily involved in antifascist protests on campus and have become a bit of a vigilante when it comes to crime. You're majoring in **theatcar** with a focus on stage makeup -- the skill of concealing your identity through posture, how you move, accent and speech patterns helps soothe your concerns about your work (not to mention the way you can use the stage makeup to fool security cameras). You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you just want to make connections with other people who have similar interests. Having been lectured by Thomas the Tank Engine from a young age about how important concealing your identity is while doing antifascist work, you have the power to **erase names** from the graffiti tunnel -- who knows what the authorities could do with that information! You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.

* * *

You're **Titty Titty Bang Bang** , beloved child of **Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Tow Mater**. When you were younger you were involved in sports but you've since channeled your love of physical activity into helping Tow Mater at work. You're friendly and value community, but you're also not above practical jokes -- which is handy because you're hoping to get into you parents' old dorm, Caretha Franklin Dormitory. You're the kind of car that everyone asks to help with something because you seem to have an ability to do just about anything. You're majoring in **mecharnical engine-eering** , which you chose so you could help fix up the cars that Tow Mater tows. You have the power to **double the abilities of others**. You have the ability to pick a player and encourage them to write two names in the graffiti tunnel. Alternatively, you can choose to help someone use their power twice - however, you can't help someone with their power twice in a row. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory, leave university.

* * *

You're **Chitty Chitty Thong Thong** , beloved child of **Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Thomas the Tank Engine**. You're somewhat athletic, but not in a sports kind of way -- more of a "has been preparing for the worst" kind of way. The car everyone wants on their side in the zombie apocalypse. While you're pretty sure the end of the world isn't super imminent, all your hard work comes in handy for when you're at a protest and you can run away when the police start kettling, and you've always got supplies if the power goes out. You're hoping to get into you parents' old dorm, Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory. The major you've chosen is **history** with a focus on revolutions so you can better understand them (and certainly not...starting one. Not at all, why would you say that). You have the power to **double the abilities of others**. You have the ability to pick a player and encourage them to write two names in the graffiti tunnel. Alternatively, you can choose to help someone use their power twice - however, you can't help someone with their power twice in a row. You win if all the members of your rival dorm, Caretha Franklin, leave university.

* * *

You're **Shamaro** , beloved child of **Radiator Springs Sheriff and Derek's Camaro**. You're cool and adventurous but that doesn't mean you break the law -- the Sheriff would be terribly cross with you if you did. You're also a bit of a romantic, though you might be too cool to admit it. You don't mind which dorm you get into -- you're just here for the college experience! The Sheriff encouraged you to major in **car law** since you don't have any interest into going into law enforcement. Your greatest passion is historical reenactment, which you have made cool simply by being cool and participating it. This passion has given you the power to **time travel** \- that is, you are so good at recreating scenes from the past, they almost become reality. Pick a player, and they will recreate how they used their power in a previous round. You will see the results of this approximation. You win if you complete 5 class assignments before you are recruited or leave university - in which case you will be assigned a new goal.


	2. Day One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the homework is by players, not by me!

### Sex Ed 101: Day One

Welcome to Radiator Springs University! We may not be as fancy as Carvard, but we have a wide breadth of programs and teaching staff that truly care about you as cars. We're not just here to teach you engine-eering or physicar therapy. This is a time of growth, of new experiences, a time for you to find out what the world has to offer - and to be safe while you do it. That's right, folks. It's time for sex ed.

And yes, we are aware that for some of you it seems odd to wait until college for sex ed, but the laws across this great nation, the United States of Ameri-Car, vary wildly and we do not want our students from states that have made sex ed illegal to be on the back wheel, as it were. After all, a welder is safest in the hands of someone who knows what they're doing. As most cars are polyamorous, it’s best to ensure all your partners have the same level of knowledge.

We want to give a special welcome to those members of the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory and the Caretha Franklin Dormitory! Dorms are an important part of campus culture and we hope more of you will join them.

There is a tradition of how to arrange dates at Radiator Springs University -- you write another person’s name in the graffiti tunnel (your DM with the GMs) every round. Of course, consent is important, so you’ll only be able to go on a date if your object of affection also writes your name! As such, discussing your potential dates is encouraged in class.

As a reward for completion of homework assignments, if you turn in several homework assignments you get a chance to pick something from the lucky dip bag! Homework assignments should be submitted in the public thread unless specified otherwise.

 **Today’s Homework Assignment:** List the five other classes you're taking this semester, so your professor can plan the exam timetable appropriately (only one of them has to be related to your major).

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

  * Pinto and Bobcat - a history of Cartastorophe
  * Simon & Carfunkel: a rock and rolling career
  * Carnal pursuits - Handling trucks’ loads
  * Improve your carisma in 10 easy steps
  * Intro to Coleopterology and Vespology - From the Volkswagen Beetle to the Hudson Wasp
  * Transcarburetor with professor McGearagall
  * Defence Against Spark Plug Starts
  * EdCAR Allen Poe and Magicar Realism with Prof Balsteero
  * Physi-car Therapy 415L - Wheels on Lab VANimals and Where to Find Them
  * Eastern Philosophy: CARma and ReinCARnation
  * Intro to Cultural Carthropology
  * Abstract Carthemathics
  * English Literature: Porsche & Prejudice
  * EJEEPtology 
  * Music Theory 210 with Prof CARly Rae Jepsen
  * CARtography
  * Astrophysics 201: Cars on Mars with Prof Perseverance
  * Ancient Vroomtures
  * The CD Revolution: How tape decks became redundant in the mOILlennial age
  * Molecu-CAR GAS-tronomy
  * Math




	3. Day Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Each dorm got their own round posts that only they could see, which will be posted first because the teacher comments on the pranks at the beginning of each lesson. As always, homework is by other people!

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Two

You've been pranked! Under cover of darkness, someone(s) unknown has stuck a kazoo in every single member's tailpipe! You don't know who did this except you totally do know who did this. It could only be your rivals, AMLK. Ugh, the worst. As you drive to class, you can hear the buzz of the kazoos in time with your engines revving.

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Two

Under the cover of darkness, you pick the lock on the Caretha Franklin Dormitory and stick a kazoo in the tailpipe of every member. You get out without being seen, and as you're all driving to class you can hear the buzz of the kazoos in time with their engines revving.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Two

Welcome to day two of sex ed! Some of our students are sounding... more musical than others. Truly, teaching at a university is an adventure every day. I'm glad to see that your extra-curricular activities still leave you time to date every evening!

While your individual evaluations are still being written, you are free to talk here in the classroom but we must continue to enforce silence in the dorms. Our deepest apologies for the delays, there are simply so many cars taking this class!

Something strange has happened overnight -- the graffiti tunnel, sometimes known as the Tunnel of Love, has been vandalised!!! Scrawled in motor oil, the tunnel now bears the words: “Trust no one. You could be next.” And then a really truly terrible drawing of what might possibly be a Model T with x’d out eyes and the tongue hanging out! We have no idea who did this and it's truly an affront to a glorious university tradition.

Today our main topic is going to be pregnancy. It’s where we all came from, but how does it work? All cars have the ability to get pregnant; we’re all equipped to manufacture the necessary components of new cars, though due to space restrictions baby cars are very small. As we all no doubt remember, the insides of young cars grow faster than their exoskeletons, necessitating periodic shedding. We’ve all had the excruciating experience of driving on an unsealed road with a tender, shiny exoskeleton. Growing a brand new exoskeleton takes a lot of energy and nutrients, so it’s important that growing cars eat their old exoskeletons to recover some of the nutrients. Traditionally, it’s ground up by your parents and fed into your petrol tank.

Adult cars must go to the mechanic to get parts replaced because individual parts cannot grow outside of a car. You could harvest from fully grown cars, but that would be murder, so don’t even think about it.

Please keep in mind that, although a carling does inherit traits from all of their parents, cars of the same make and model reproducing together do not have any negative effects. It’s widely accepted, even normal, for cars who may share one or more parents or ancestors to reproduce together.

 **Today’s Homework Assignment:** Describe what you think is the best way for cars to have sex. Be as graphic or as vague as you’d like.

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

  * [~~but... wait a second, i dont remember ever shedding my exoskeleton, ive always looked like this. since the day i was... installed..... werent we different when we were young? with... strange little soft bodies. i was so... scared...... so cold...~~](https://jalopnik.com/this-disturbing-theory-explains-pixars-cars-1791834045) wow i blacked out for a second there, what were we talking about?
  * [Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Car Sex: An Educational Video](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29605017)
  * The bottom lowers their suspension wayyyy down, the top lifts theirs as high as it’ll go (when the hormones start you’ll find you can lift as much as you need to!) and ‘climbs aboard’ then the top puts their ‘you-know-what’ into ’you-know-where’ and makes with the fun. I can also do this amazing thing with my tongue and your tail pipe, anyone want a practical demonstration?
  * This whole conversation feels incredibly four-wheel/four-door-centric and I sure hope you’re not making your partners with more or less wheels and doors feel bad for not having this equipment.
  * hey, you remember that old tv show star truck? i used to love it as a kid, isnt it funny how the vulcars had sex by cuddling with their doors? behold this scandalous vulcar porn!
  *   * The exact specifications of sex are always going to depend on what parts the vehicles involved have, so what use is generalizing? This class is so dumb.
  * Some screen caps taken from a celebrity sex tape I found online to demonstrate sexual intercourse 🔞 warning:
  * 



	4. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the two dorm posts don't quite match up chronologically but... this is a game about car sex. That's the least of our problems.

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Three

You've got a plan for the members of AMLK, who have wronged you and yours for too long! After a quick stop at the campus print shop to stock up on supplies, you stick Caretha Franklin bumper stickers on all of them, satisfied that they won't be able to get them off before tomorrow's class. You all find yourselves locked out when you return to the dorm after your excellent prank, however! Maintenance eventually lets you back in, and tells you the electronic locks have been scrambled, but you're all pretty tired the next day. Someone has done this, and you're pretty sure you know who. 

As you're all getting ready for the day, a policecar knocks on your door. Usually this happens because of noise complaints after a rager, but this time the policecar looks very solemn and asks to come inside. They have terrible news: Bruter was found dead, their corpse strung up on the flagpole in the night. The university will arrange counselling services, they inform you, and they're very sorry for your loss. May the memory of Bruter be a blessing.

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Three

You scramble the electronic locks on the Caretha Franklin Dormitory while everyone is out and get away before anyone notices! Congratulations on the successful prank. Unfortunately, when you wake up someone has stuck Caretha Franklin bumper stickers on you, and you know you won't have time to remove them before class.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Three

Welcome to day three of sex ed! Some of you are looking more tired than others... also, I heard there was some problem maintenance had to deal with? Hopefully it doesn't affect your ability to learn! I see some of you are also sporting new adornments.

I have absolutely terrible news to share with you all. Bruter was found dead this morning, her body hanging from the top of the flagpole. She did not leave a will. Counselling will be available for all who wish to speak to someone about this traumatic event, and the university will of course support any memorial or event you wish to have in memory of her.

It is unknown if this is related to another terrible instance of vandalism here on our dear campus: the words I WARNED YOU have been burnt into the grass on the quad, leaving behind the distint odour of gasoline. Actually, thinking about it, it's almost certainly related.

Cheep Cheep was also found to have plagiarised work, and subsequently has been expelled. She did not leave a parting message.

I know it may seem difficult to have class in these circumstances, but it's important we don't let these events derail us completely. Today's lesson is about experimentation! Vehicle models are often radically different, with engines in different places and even entirely different parts! As such, it's important to ask your partner what feels good to them, and if they don't know to be open to experimenting to find out what they like. It makes a more pleasant experience for all involved!

Given today's terrible events, we want to foster a sense of community in this trying time. **Today's Homework Assignment:** Start a club or sports team: Describe the activity, and explain why other cars should join. You are welcome to join other player's clubs.

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

  * You know what. If we're supposed to be making clubs anyway, if you're interested in finding out what happened to Bruter, join my detective club to help with the investigation.
  * I'm going to start the insect club, where we look for and document cool insects, in memory of Bruter.
  * I think I’ll start an Animal Therapy club—we’ll volunteer at the local shelter, taking the dogs on drives and playing with the cats. So it’ll be therapy for them, but ALSO therapy for us, to help us get through this terrible tragedy.
  * Also, can we talk about Cheep Cheep being expelled for plagiarism?!?!?! Everything needs to be submitted on 3ptTurnItIn.com anyway - why would you even try?
  * I - I need to move. Try to process this. Does it count as starting a club if I ask if anyone want to join me driving laps around the track? Like a Racing Club, except we won't really bother to pay attention to how many laps we've done or who's in the lead.
  * I'm starting a Model(T)-ing club! Cars with original finish, new paint coats, or anything in-between welcome! Bring your own drawing implements (attachments to your windshield wipers will be provided!)
  * I would like to start a flower arranging club, would anyone like to join me to make some memorial wreaths for Bruter? I think it would be nice to surround the flagpole with beautiful colours so we are reminded not of Bruter’s tragic death, but instead are reminded of a bright star who burned bright in our midst, and was taken from us too soon 😢
  * I'm starting a club focused on Socar Justice! Late-stage capitalism has caused an all-time high of gas siphoning and the inquality among cars of different makes and models is abhorrent.
  * I want to start a parenting club! To make sure I know what I'm doing when the little one arrives




	5. Day Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks goes to everyone who helped me come up with puns, primarily Kuna and Elsinore! And yes, this obviously means that Carstiel going to Turbohell in the show Supcarnatural is canon.

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Four

It seems that during the night, someone has sprayed a truly heroic amount of whipped cream all over your windshields! You'll be able to get to class, but you'll look pretty ridiculous anyway.

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Four

Under cover of night, you take a truly heroic amount of whipped cream and spray it all over windscreens of Caretha Franklin's members. They'll be able to see enough to get to class, but they'll still look ridiculous.

###  ~~Sex Ed~~ Car Theology 101: Day Four

Welcome to Day Four of term. Some of you have... possibly run out of windscreen wiper fluid? You might want to go to the campus shop and refill it. Unfortunately, someone has once again vandalised our beautiful campus, this time with concrete instead of writing. They've put speed bumps absolutely everywhere! As I discovered on the way to class, they’re the awful kind that are set so that if you’re a short car and you’re going even a touch fast, it feels like you’re going to flip and die. A small silver lining is that they've got little gaps so fire engines can go over them without bumping.

I regret to inform you that Forgetmobile has been expelled for plagiarism. They did leave a parting letter to their fellow students:

> Did you know that trees can communicate and defend themselves against insects? Scientists have found that trees can flood their leaves with chemicals called phenolics when the insects begin their raid. They can also signal danger to other trees so they can start their own defense. Willow trees, for example, emit certain chemicals when they're attacked by webworms. Other willows then produce more tannin, making their leaves harder for the pests to digest.
> 
> Also did you know that I was an accident? Mom and Dad never said anything but I overheard my relatives talking in the other room.

Unfortunately, your sex ed teachers are both off sick, though they should return tomorrow! One of those 24-hour radiator bugs, you know how it is. While it is customary for a university professor to cancel classes entirely if they are unwell, it came on rather suddenly and you’re all already here, so... today we’ll be talking about car theology.

Cars have had religion for as long as there have been cars -- we’ve unearthed shrines to Carphrodite and Porscheidon as well as monuments built to ancient caroahs believed to be car gods, such as HatChevySut and Cleopartra. Last year there was a very exciting find of a shrine to Volvosiris -- but I’m getting away from my point. 

The religion followed by most of the world is Carstianity, which believes that Jesus Chrysler is the son of Car God. Apart from that whole business in 1054, the most important schism in Carstianity is the one caused by Cartin Luther and his Ninety-Five Chasses, which was only escalated by King Henry V8 and Thomas Cromwheel. They rejected the Popemobile and the authority of CARdinals, even changing the titles of priusts in some denominations. They believe in the Great Carpark In The Sky as the place you go after death if you’re a good person, and Turbohell is where you go if you were bad.

I personally follow Bootaism; the followers of Bootaism gather for services in a parking bay knesset and one of the most popular services is carbalat shabbat. We also observe Yom Keypur, where we lock up the book of life (it beeps reassuringly when we do it). 

Unfortunately we do not have time to get into Islam, which reads the Car’an as their holy text and has minastruts on top of their place of worship. They’re most known for observing RAMadan.

One of the most interesting modern religious movements is the one founded in Renaultville. A young child appeared there out of seemingly nowhere, and it became clear through a series of miracles (fixing an engine without any tools, that kind of thing) that there was something beyond our ken going on. When asked who their parents were, they expressed confusion and said they were spoken into being by Car God. The circumstances did not appear to match any beliefs of current religions about the messiah. To the people of Renaultville they became a prophet, consulted by the town on decisions large and small. Unfortunately, a few years ago they disappeared. It’s unclear whether Car God felt Ze made a mistake of some sort, or perhaps the Prophet merely ran away. The people of Renaultville still search for their missing Prophet, but as far as we know there’s been no luck yet. They could be anywhere! Perhaps even in this town, who knows.

Look at the time! It seems we’ll have to leave it there for today, though feel free to discuss amongst yourselves your personal religious practices if you have any! Oh, uh, I just found the notes that were left for me by your teachers? Maybe I wasn’t supposed to teach you car theology. Well, whatever, I’ve done it now! I’ll set you the intended homework anyway.

 **Today’s homework assignment:** Write a car sex fic (min. 50 words). Alternatively, write about a baby car being raised in a communal environment.

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

  * [Lockblocked](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29666658)
  * [Sideswiped Right (aka The Rear End Position)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29670303)
  * [Two Trucks Having Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29662449)



And entries I have permission to post that aren't their own ao3 works:

faeryn:

> I heard that in cults the baby cars are raised communally in order to brainwash them early on. What happens is that instead of just the parents raising them, they’re all kinda shoved together under the parenthood of a bunch of caregivers regardless of their actual lineage, usually of the most devout folks in the group. That way whenever a child appears to be thinking for themself or straying from the cult’s indoctrination they can be ‘corrected’ swiftly and decisively.  
> Such is (apparently) the life of baby cars in cults ;-; [citation needed]

* * *

anon:

> There was once a baby car who just appeared on the altar of a church of a small town. The residents of the town were confused as to the origin of the baby car, as abandoned babies were usually just dropped off at the driveway of the church or orphanage, not at the altar of all places. Still, the residents, as if compelled by a higher power, took it upon themselves to raise the carling to the best of their abilities, and the local bacars gave the little carling a home and a family.
> 
> The carling grew to a happy, healthy child, but there was something about them. Something not quite of this world. If they asked for something, it was almost impossible to say no. If one of the other children got hurt while playing, a few quiet words from the carling would not only calm the child down but also heal whatever injury they had. The residents were perplexed, but the church officials knew exactly what was happening. And so the carling went from living with the bacars, to having their own room in the church.
> 
> The carling was happy, for a time. They were delighted to find out they were special and studied all the scriptures and maps the piest threw at them. They were a bit sad that they couldn’t go play with the other carlings anymore, but a reminder of their higher purpose would perk them right up and renew their vigor. The carling started to associate the happiness caused by their occasional miracles and healings with love. The carling started to call themself a prophet.
> 
> The carling grew into a teenacar, and it seemed like they were going to become the fine prophet Car God, the priest and all the other residents were counting on them to be. But, one day, the carling realized that they weren’t truly happy. Surely there's more to life than this? I want to help everyone, but why must I always sacrifice myself to do so? They prayed to Car God for an answer, but no answer came. One day, it all became too much, and the carling ran away. They abandoned the town they once loved, and drove along the desert road, never to be seen again.
> 
> I, uh, visited Renaultville once and heard this story, the assignment kinda reminded me of it...

* * *

anon:

> Okay I'm not very into writing assignments, so I hope it's ok if I just freeform it \o/
> 
> I was thinking about small carlings and what would be a good environment for them. First would be somewhere safe, of course. They'd need a space where they can try their little wheels without hurting themselves, and express their creativity without fear. Baby cars will often want to test the limits of their engines and will bounce back on their wheels if they cartwheel, no worries.
> 
> Next important thing is good and nutritious food! Carlings should be provided with rich fuels and should try several different ones to get their taste as varied as possible. They can eat coal and crude oil snacks within reason, though modern parents will prefer methane and small batteries.
> 
> Then they should have several role models. There is a myriad of parenting configurations possible! Some vehicles live in packs, and each member will take a small or large part in the raising of their carlings. Some will have smaller groups of 2 or 3 parental figures, sometimes even 1 depending on the available partners. Those are almost always supported by other cars, who are very prone to helping each others and carlings in particular.
> 
> So I guess to sum it up, baby vehicles mainly need safety, food and love! Of course they also need to learn stuff, but I think food is very important.

* * *

anon:

> The Phantom pushed his grounds keeper up against the hedgerow, reveling in the feeling of the harsh lines of the Defender against him. The Rolls-Royce knew that he should be up in the house suffering through yet another ball thrown by his parents in order to find him a proper consort, but he couldn't resist returning to the wheels of his Land Rover, no matter how far below his station the Defender was.
> 
> Shoving the Defender up on his rear wheels the Phantom exposed his rugged undercarriage and carefully worked his tongue past his brush guard straining to reach his rear wheel drive shaft. He grinned as best as he was able when he heard the Defender's engine stutter and redoubled his efforts, using a wheel to catch the Defender's questing sway bar and give it some friction as well. After a few more moments the Phantom was rewarded with a groan and a gush of fluids across his tongue and across his axle and he let his partner gently back down into the grass.
> 
> The Defender panted quietly for a few moments and then roused it's engine and purred, "You're turn now m'lord. I know a nice mud puddle just a bit further out. We can make sure you won't be fit for proper company without a full detailing first."
> 
> The Phantom shivered in anticipation and backed up to give the Defender room to lead him to the promised filth.

* * *

anon:

> Their chassis is wet and slick, engine purring as they attach their hitch to their partner, a rather handsome self-propelled trailer. It's intense, even with all the prep-work they'd done beforehand, as he slips deeper inside them. Crowded behind a gas pump at the swingers club, their doors creak as they do their best to stifle their metal groans. This really had to have been their best idea yet.

* * *

anon:

> There once were two very happy beetle enthusiasts who loved each other very much. That love resulted in a little carling coming into existence. Sadly, one of the carling’s carents died before the carling could be born, leaving the other carent all alone with the difficult task of raising a carling. The dead carents wanted to still be a part of their carling and love’s lives, and decided that being a ghostly carent would do. The other carent got expelled and joined the dead carent in purcartory. Together the carents raised their little carling with the help from the other expelled students, the car who could somehow communicate with the expelled and dead cars, and any potential future dead cars. The little carling would live happily ever after raised in the purcartory community (Bruter, 2021)

* * *

anon:

> I don’t know much about parenthood, but what I do know a lot about is nature. And from what I know, raising offspring communally is very common. One example I can bring up is amongst the Barbary MaCARques, who engage in allocarenting. Their younglings are taken care of by the males in the pack, who often are not related to the younglings that they are caring for. Sperm wheels also babysit the young sperm wheels while their carents go hunting. I believe we are not so different from our different bodied cousins, and that communal carenting is the future


	6. Day Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car Gender!

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Five

You sneak out and change all of AMLK Dorm's clocks to be an hour early. Now they'll all wake up an hour before they have to, which we all know is the worst prank of all. Unfortunately, when you return it looks like someone has saran wrapped the dorm, making it absurdly difficult to open the doors! You get inside but you'll have to clean it up before class, making you late.

The next morning as you're all getting ready for the day, a policecar knocks on your door. Usually this happens because of noise complaints after a rager, but this time the policecar looks very solemn and asks to come inside. They have terrible news: Beep was found dead, their corpse chopped into four pieces and placed in each corner of the east courtyard. The university will arrange counselling services, they inform you, and they're very sorry for your loss. May the memory of Beep be a blessing.

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Five

You saran wrap Caretha Franklin Dorm's doors shut, satisfied that they'll be late to class from having to clean that all up once they get the doors open. You sleep soundly but then discover once you arrive at the classroom that all your clocks have been put an hour forward, meaning you woke up an hour early for nothing! Damn those cars in the CF Dorm.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Five

Welcome to day five of class! I see some of you arrived an hour early for class? I'm so glad you're enthusiastic about your learning! And some of you have arrived late. I'll forgive you this time, but please make sure you arrive promptly so we can begin on time. As it happens, I did not arrive as early as I planned because someone changed all the traffic signs on campus! I know college is the time to have fun, but please be reasonable.

In less reasonable pranks, someone has thrown the world's most ominous birthday party in the gazebo near the library. The decorations are faded, like they've been here for years, though nobody remembers seeing them before this morning. There's a paper chain of cars hanging up but all the eyes have been marked with Xs. I recommend everyone steer clear of the gazebo until we can get this sorted out, or at least until maintenance clears all the decorations away at the end of the day.

I have absolutely terrible news to share with you all. Beep was found dead this morning, their body chopped up into four pieces with each placed in a corner of the east courtyard. They did not leave a will. Counselling will be available for all who wish to speak to someone about this traumatic event, and the university will of course support any memorial or event you wish to have in memory of them.

Additionally, today two students have been expelled. Meep was expelled for plagiarism. They left a frankly confusing parting letter. Perhaps it's metaphorical?

> attention, i have been murdered :( as a ghost, i highly suspect foul play, and hope you catch the wheeled culprit! i leave my collection of hood ornaments to the inhabitants of the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. dorm 🚗 if any of you have time to plan any memorial services, it would mean so much to me if anyone would like to do a 21 honk salute. ❤️️ 

Water has been expelled for failing too many classes. She did not leave a parting letter.

All that awful news aside, it's time to finally begin the lesson. Uh, what on earth did the theology teacher do yesterday? I left them a lesson plan! You can't just go around turning a sex ed class into theology because it's what you teach! I can't believe the university allows such lawless mayhem. Whatever, I'll have to rewrite the exam, this is fine, I'm fine. Oh, they still set you the homework I assigned? Thank Car God, something went right.

Today's lesson is about car gender! As you know, cars have no sexual dimorphism (if you missed Day Two's lesson on car reproduction, it's recorded on Carvas), but we also know that gender is separate from sex, so while we are lacking the sexual dimorphism found in species such as dogs, there are still myriad car genders! (Do dogs have genders? It's a question scholars have asked but they've been stymied by being unable to have complex conversations with them. There's a PhD thesis in there and possibly a Mobil Prize, I imagine, if you can find out.)

There are four commonly-known genders: educt, tayel, bopti and zoop. Some cars consider themselves agender, of another gender not included in those or multiple genders! We have such a variety of cars and experiences, and that's what makes our world great. Gender may also be cultural-specific, with some cultures recognising different ones.

All carlings are born with no gender markers at all. The parts you have and the colour of your exoskeleton are inherited, but as gender markers are a choice, they come later. Choosing your gender ornamentation is a coming-of-age ritual that occurs multiple times in a carling's life: the first time just before they begin school, then at the end of elementary school, and finally at the beginning of high school. This is often accompanied by a celebration thrown in the carling's honour. 

While some carlings may experience parental pressure who wish for their carling to look a certain way, it's the norm to be given full self-determination in how you choose to express your gender. This can often include your wheel rims, hood ornaments, and sometimes even larger modifications such as headlights or your name. It's also often reflected in the pronouns cars use; a request to use a certain pronoun is often the first indication that a carling is forming a conception of their own gender.

While most cars find their gender identity has soldered by the beginning of high school, there are plenty of adult cars who may have the conception of their gender change over time; they often find community with those who do not identify with the "traditional" genders, as it were. These cars are TRANSmission, and it's important to be open and happy to make any requested changes in how cars refer to themselves.

While gender should not be assumed to have any impact on the sexual activity cars enjoy, everyone is different, and for some it can indeed play a role. It all comes back to good communication with your partner! If there's one thing I want for you to come out of this course with, it's the importance of communication.

That's all for today, but feel free to discuss your own genders amongst yourselves! Perhaps you'll learn something new.

 **Today's Homework Assignment:** The best part of college is the wacky traditions specific to your university. Plan a strange tradition that you think other cars would have fun participating in. Perhaps you might even carry it out!

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

  * I-- Look, how about this, considering the frankly alarming rate at which students are getting pregnant, how about I create a college tradition where everyone comes together to put together a goodies and supplies basket for all the carlings and soon to be carents? Carenting is hard, especially if you have to study at the same time (and maybe even work!), and it would be fun for everyone as well as practical.
  * This is why instead of poetry at open mike night our Uni has a tradition where people step up and try to come up with the most unusual baby names they can think of as a help to the expectant parents
  * I might feel too unwell to join the time-honoured HONKYTONKA day, something that occurs in my town that I want to bring to campus. It is a day in which the first years gathered in the university hall to serenade the others with wonderful music made by honking in harmony. Some years, the class choose to create honk music of famous rock songs, other years, they choose to go with original pieces. Over the years, cars involved even incorporated dance elements by moving side mirrors and wheels in time with the music.
  * Also, speaking of college traditions, is it normal for students to just... die on campus? Like, almost every day? Is this some hazing ritual gone wrong, or is there something sinister going on? Why aren't the aucarities getting involved???
  * I dont know that I have the energy tonight- yesterday was my birthday, and as is traditional, I got taken to a gas station and absolutely covered in oil. It's taken ages for me to get even this presentable, and my parking spot neighbors keep shooting me glances like I still stink :(
  * I think a cool university tradition would be to release lantern wishes into the air before finals 😊 Or an annual pre-final screaming session where we all yell outside our windows to release stress and tension
  * we should follow the lead of Combine (🚜) University and start a Band Organic Carmistry night, where we all beep our horns and try to lower the curve by preventing all studying 👀




	7. Day Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Birth control!

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Six

You sneak into CF's dorm and put dye into everyone's windscreen wiper fluids, turning them the garish shades of the official school colours! Satisfied you've shown those losers once again, you go to sleep -- only to wake up to discover someone has spraypainted silly drawings in rainbow colours all over you! Does one of you look like a clown? Why on earth does that one have a giant snail on them? Well, you know logic has never been CF's strong point. What losers.

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Six

You're all in position, wheels touching as you stand in a circle around the pentagram of candles placed precariously close to a container of gasoline. (The instructions said the food had to be aromatic and pleasing to the car they intend to bring back; while even pooling your funds couldn't get you a fancy gasoline, Perbie's lawn mowing was more than able to cover a bottle of old faithful from the campus shop.)

Perbie speaks with the authority of a person who hasn't failed before; the authority of someone who knows they're very good at whatever they put their mind to but humble enough that no one dislikes them for it. A dog may or may not woof softly in the silence. "OH SPIRIT, we bring you gifts from life into death, and apologize if you did not receive them last time. We show you our deep respect and hope that we may be reunited with our dear departed Beep, if that would be amenable to you. We also ask that you send a message of love and regret to our dear departed Bruter, if possible," she intones. There's a minute of silence broken only by the distant sound of someone's engine turning over.

Perbie blows out the candles and hopes desperately that this time worked, given there's no untimely glitter tonight. For a moment it seems that maybe it hasn't, but then something in the darkness changes. You all see a car slowly take shape in the middle of the pentagram, finally becoming just as solid and real as you all are: it's Beep, who looks almost like they'd never been chopped up and put at the four corners of the east courtyard at all! Congratulations!

Your celebrations last long into the night, and you celebrate your success by sneaking into AMLK and spray painting silly drawings in rainbow colours all over them. That successful, you finally go to sleep. When you wake up, you all try to clean your windscreens but discover your windscreen wiper fluid has been dyed the rather garish school colours! Well, it could be worse. It seems that AMLK got you again. On your way out the door, you all realise that Beep returning to class is going to see odd without any kind of explanation -- but you're not sure how receptive the university administration would be to occult rituals being performed on the grounds, so you tell them that you found a doctcar to weld them back together instead. And hey, they buy it, so no harm no foul!

### Sex Ed 101: Day Six

Welcome to day six of class! Many of you are looking very colourful today -- I do love seeing school spirit being represented. We continue to have a vandalism problem on campus -- this time someone has sprayed a huge message in the graffiti tunnel telling everyone to boycott the sex ed department until they... "do their jobs properly"? I do not understand, how are we failing to do our jobs? We're giving you the tools you need to have safe, enjoyable sex. Anyway, I know that we gave you the graffiti tunnel specifically so that you could graffiti freely in there and express yourselves, but this was very hurtful to me personally. I _guess_ it's not vandalism but my feelings have been vandalised.

Moving right along, we regret to inform you that there have been more expulsions! How academic misconduct is so rife at this school I simply do not know. Magetmobus has been expelled for failing too many classes. She did not leave a parting letter. Nortor has been expelled for plagiarism. They did leave a parting letter:

> Guess I came to college to earn my RIP degree 😒

In happier news, welcome back Beep! You look almost like I hadn't seen your corpse strewn to the four corners of my favourite courtyard on campus and that I haven't been back to since! I'm so glad to see you.

Today's lesson, after much clamouring from students, is on birth control. Some of you seem to think that the sex ed department is at fault for the high rate of pregnancy among the students taking this class. The thing is, we've already given you everything currently available; it's trite but true: the only guaranteed way to avoid having a carling is to not have sex. 

Condoms are freely available on campus, and can be cut along the length to also function as dental dams (though using a dental dam won't prevent pregnancy, it will prevent transmission diseases!). The problem with condoms is that they break constantly and no one has yet figured out how to prevent that. By the time you've made the rubber thick enough not to get pierced by various parts immediately, it's no longer flexible enough to get around the places it needs to be. We continue to hand out condoms because there's no publicly available better option. 

Some of you may have heard of ways to supplement the small amount of protection a condom provides. I'm here to tell you: none of those will work. Pouring sugar into your tailpipe before an act of congress will not prevent the exchange of fluids, it will only give you an infection. Putting foam up there is much more likely to give you an uncomfortable doctcar's visit when you can't get it out than it is to provide you with consequence-free copulation. As long as two of your reproductive organs are touching, there IS a chance of conception no matter which position you do it in -- yes, even if you go up on two wheels. If you truly do not want to avoid all sexual activity but you also really don't think you're ready to be a carent, that's why Car God gave us all tongues.

Now, all the talk of carlings yesterday made me think of today's homework assignment! **Today's Homework:** Ship two sentient vehicles together - draw their baby.

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

Bentley/Gadgetmobile:

Rivals to lovers Herbie and Brum  
I don't know which of them was the mum  
My artistic skills are just hohum  
But here's a pic of their kid Hrum:

Persedes, the child of the Impala's favorite Engreek Mythology couple Heades and Persemobile:

Herbie and Thomas the Tank Engine gave birth to Hank:

Stiles's Jeep and Crowley's Bentley, aka Jeetley:

KITT and the Gadgetmobile:

Lightning McQueen and Tow Mater's carling:

the spawn of Reapers and Vorlon spaceships that NORDIS encountered in their latest trip into Space:


	8. Day Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drugs!

There were no dorm shenanigans on this day.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Seven

Good morning, class! For once, none of you seem to be victim to anything! We have been a little worried about whether the rivalry between the Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory and the Caretha Franklin Dormitory would turn ugly -- and don't look so shocked, of course we knew about the rivalry. All the AMLK cars came to class with Caretha bumper stickers the other day! 

Anyway, I want to lead with the news that no one has been murdered overnight! When I woke up this morning and set off across campus only to find chalk outlines of cars drawn everywhere I had a terrible feeling that yet another one of my favourite spots on campus was going to be ruined forever by the indelible image of the corpse of a former student, but no such thing has come to pass! None of those chalk outlines are an active (or indeed dormant) crime scene, and I cannot tell you how happy that makes me.

Maintenance has informed us that it's not their doing, but we've advised them to keep up all the signs that have popped up on campus overnight anyway -- they very helpful say "Please Drive Slow Carlings Crossing". Perhaps we shouldn't have been so hasty about getting rid of those speedbumps. As more carlings enter daycare it is indeed important to keep in mind that they're very fast undertyre, and you should always be careful, particularly when backing out of driveways. 

Unfortunately, Choom Boom has been expelled for failing too many classes. She did not leave a parting letter.

Today's lesson is in fact on drugs. I know this is a sex ed class, but the university has been cutting costs in recent years and for some reason the drug education course was pretty much the first to go. They have experimented with making it a one-day seminar, but no one attended, even when it was compulsory. As such, they've forced us to condense our sex ed curriculum and give you a week on illicit substances. 

First up, we at the university strongly discourage you from injecting or inserting any substances that are not approved and regulated for car consumption. However, we also know that many of you are going to do it anyway, and so we want you to have the appropriate tools and knowledge at your disposal to do it safely. There is a safe injection site on campus open 24/7; your presence there will never be reported to any of your professors, recorded or taken into account in any way. 

There are several common ways to ingest car drugs: injecting into your fuel tank, into your wiper fluid or pumped into your tyres (most commonly for those substances which are not usually distributed in liquid form). They serve a range of different purposes: some are "uppers", taken to become more alert (e.g. carcaine, adder-all-terrain-vehicle); some are "downers", taken to relax and sedate a car (e.g. vannabus, hydraulicodone); and others are primarily used not to control mood but for other effects, e.g. as a mechanism relaxant (amyl nitrite, known as tyre poppers) or as a hallucinogenic (battery acid). Make sure you know what the drug you want to take does, and stick to only taking one thing at a time. 

At the end of class, please feel free to peruse these pamphlets which will also be available outside my office at any time. [There is a range of colourful pamphlets with various drug names on them: vyVANse, herOILin, fueltonyl, CARisoprodol, among others.]

Mld, uli slnvdlip -- hmm sorry there seems to be something stuck in my air filters. Mld, uli slnvdlip dirgv gsv vhhzb grgov zmw/li rmgilwfxgrlm uli zm vhhzb lm z glkrx blf xlfow szev ovzimvw zylfg rm z sfnzm svzogs xozhh, yfg nzpv rg zylfg xzih. 

I do apologise, I seem to be coming down with something? Hopefully not too quickly, as I wanted to be available to you for questions today. **Today's Homework:** Write the essay title and/or introduction for an essay on a topic you could have learned about in a human health class, but make it about cars. 

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

syfuelis symptoms: chancars, curb rash and gummABS

* * *

This is your air filter:

This is your air filter after as little as one use of nitrous oxide (NOS):

Remember that "NOS" is addictive and there is no truly safe amount of usage. Just say NO to NOS or this may be your future.

* * *

Essay: The importance of tires for the maintenance of good porscheture and all around good health

* * *

My essay title: Carlings: care, raising and proper maintenance

* * *

This essay: reproduction parts and how to drive them  
In this brief, I will...

* * *

Axels, Suspension Systems, and You: How to Keep Flow Below

An Essay on Personal Health and Travel

* * *

CarPR and You: Staying Calm and Saving Lives When the GPS Directs You Into a Lake


	9. Day Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to raise carlings!

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Eight

In the night someone(s) has fiddled with your radios and forced them into CD mode. As if that weren't enough, all your CDs have been replaced with baby music! It seems you can only play lullabies until you can get it fixed after class.

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Eight

You sneak into the AMLK dorm and fiddle with their radios, forcing them into CD mode and replacing all their CDs with baby music so they can only play lullabies for tomorrow until they can go get it fixed.

The next morning as you're all getting ready for the day, a policecar knocks on your door. Usually this happens because of noise complaints after a rager, but this time the policecar looks very solemn and asks to come inside. They have terrible news: Krum was found dead, their corpse posed in a macabre wedding scene. The university will arrange counselling services, they inform you, and they're very sorry for your loss. May the memory of Krum be a blessing.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Eight

Welcome to our eighth lesson! I have truly terrible news today -- although I would appreciate if some of you refrained from listening to music during the lesson, as that's horribly rude. Krum was found dead today. Her body was found with a white veil draped over the windshield as if dressed like a bride and propped up next to the statue of our town founder, Jebediah Radiator. Both the statue and Krum had cans tied to their back bumpers and JUST MARRIED across their backs. The murderer is.... absolutely unspeakable. To disrespect a car in this way... It's truly adding the Pinto to the car crash for the family of our dear departed Krum, to everyone who knew her and to those who had to witness the crime scene. Krum did not leave a will. Counselling will be available for all who wish to speak to someone about this traumatic event, and the university will of course support any memorial or event you wish to have in memory of her. 

It hardly seems worth mentioning at this point, but there's also been some vandalism on campus. Someone(s) has drawn tiny carlings everywhere -- their creative expression would have been better used completing the homework the other day which was exactly that, but at least it reminds us that there is joy in this terrible world where cars are murdered in the prime of their life. All the road signs have also been turned upside down, which... I can't even find it in me to care. I just want cars to stop dying.

Today's lesson, though it seems increasingly futile to have lessons at all, is about how to raise carlings. Before birth, it's important you baby-proof your home, covering up any power outlets so they don't accidentally electrocute themselves. You can also put up baby gates to prevent carlings getting into places you don't want them to but still allowing for easy access for adult cars, who can easily operate the gate. 

While it's important to observe the cultural traditions of your family if they differ from those explained in Day Five's lesson (recorded on Carvas!), there's more than just cultural traditions that are important for raising carlings! It's good to get carlings used to road rules even before they enter autogarten as that will help them keep up and be more comfortable when they're explored in autogarten and then further in elementary school. It's also important to show carlings a wide range of different cars and other vehicles, ensuring there won't be rude or uncomfortable conversations as they experience the wider world.

Carlings should be fed baby petrol, which is a lighter, gentler blend and has been triple checked for lead levels, which are especially harmful for growing cars. Eventually, about when they enter elementary school, you can begin adding in small meals of regular unleaded or diesel, depending on their motor. If you are unsure which fuel is appropriate, always check with your doctcar! It's also important to have regular checkups so you know your carling is growing as they should.

Stimulation for your carling is essential for a happy and healthy childhood -- toys, games, stories and music are all important, and if you can't afford them, there are local programs to give out secondhand ones in good condition. Your carling won't even know the difference!

What do you remember from your childhoods? What do you think is important for carlings that we haven't covered?

 **Today's homework:** Write a love poem to another car. This can be to a sentient car, or to a player.

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

Yes, yes, death is a tragedy and all that jazz - but more importantly: do carling gates raise vertically like garage doors?!

* * *

a life cut too short  
nevermore will her engine  
echo through these halls

* * *

everything has changed  
love is to gaze upon you  
life began anew

* * *

i am so delighted  
my heart bursts with happiness  
nothing could surpass

* * *

Tail lights are red  
But I'm feeling blue  
Krum you are gone  
But I still love you 😭

* * *

Is Herbeter KITT?  
or a Honda Fit?  
Is she speeding down the highway  
Or an impala solving a crime a day  
Loving care to all the carlings  
All who love their auntie Herbeter

* * *

A love Haiku to those departed:  
Though you have left us,  
Your memory brings us joy,  
Our love remembered.


	10. Day Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> St VANentine's Day!

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Nine

Under cover of night, you sneak into the CF dorm and tie whoopie cushions to all their tyres. Truly a classic.

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Nine

When you wake up, you discover someone(s) has tied whoopie cushions to your tyres! You're going to sound ridiculous all day.

### Sex Ed 101: Day Nine

Welcome to day nine of class! Some of you seem to be making... very strange noises. You might want to get that checked out. Unfortunately, I have more terrible news -- Kismas has been murdered in the night. At least the murderer didn't do anything too gruesome with the corpse, just leaving it on the front lawn. 

Titty Titty Bang Bang has been expelled for failing too many classes. She did not leave a parting letter. TITT has also been expelled for plagiarism, and did not leave a parting letter. Additionally, someone has scribbled scientific equations on all the signs on campus, which will cause a lot of grief for our maintenance department. Please stop making their lives more difficult!

There has been some discontent amongst you so I would like to point out: the policecars are doing their best to solve these murders. As some of you may be aware, the police visit the loved ones and associates of the departed to notify them and investigate, but they haven't had any success so far.

Today, as I'm no doubt plenty of you are aware, is St VANentine's day! So that's what our lesson is going to be about. It's a day to celebrate love in all its forms, whether it be platonic or romantic. It's traditional to exchange flowers and either weave them into your grill or make a flower crown that you can wear on your roof. Many cars exchange heart-shaped boxes with little pods of flavoured oils and petrol. These may or may not have aphrodisiac additives to make the night extra fun.

While it was originally about romance, many cars have in recent years used it to get together with their friends, particularly if they don't have significant others. 

The campus has been decorated in red, pink and white decorations to celebrate! It's amazing what a little cellophane over the streetlights and bunting can do. 

What do you do for VANentine's Day? What do you plan on doing today? Feel free to share your own traditions! And of course: it's the perfect day to arrange a date!

**Today's Homework:** What's your ideal profession in the Cars world? (This doesn't have to be IC according to your bios, obviously.)

### Highlights of the Homework Submitted:

I'd love to work as a Car-ista at a local coffee shop!

* * *

I think I would like to be... a carmance novel writer.

* * *

I'm thinking ice oil creator. I'm craving cold but sour and everything at the shops are 'heavy oil and sea salt' or 'ethanol free premium all natural fuel'. Who wants health fuel when they're on the frozen treats aisle?

* * *

I don't want to think about professions at all right now, I keep thinking about morticians, and doctors, and police  
I might make a good police car, but honestly, I don't want to right now.


	11. Day Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Car kinks!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the homework goes hard into eldritch horror and, somehow, gore???

### Aston Martin Luther King Jr. Dormitory: Day Ten

As a dorm you craft an email that looks exactly like an email from the university daycare announcing a new lunch schedule and then send it to every member of CF dorm. Little do they know, it's something entirely different...

### Caretha Franklin Dormitory: Day Ten

When you wake up, you discover that all of you have received an email. It LOOKS like the daycare lunch schedule but when you click on it, it plays a song. [A very familiar song.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ)

### Sex Ed 101: Day Ten

Welcome to day ten of class! Some of you keep humming the same song? If you could keep quiet that would be ideal. 

We've had more vandalism -- the vandal has burnt letters onto the lawn in front of the quad again, this time writing WHY DID NO ONE LISTEN?

Shanglia has been expelled. They left a parting message:

> oh no, the consequences of my actions

Today's lesson is going to be about kinks! There's a wealth of things that cars like in their sexual activity, and it's... well it's honestly not really clear what gets the label of kink rather than just someone really likes tailpipe stuff, but it's important to explore them so you know they're options and so you don't feel alone if you like something you consider "weird"! 

So first off we have wheel kink. Wheels are not standard erogenous zones, but since when has that stopped anyone? Anything can be an erogenous zone if it feels good to touch it and it gets you excited! You can try stroking the outside of the tyre or the wheel rim. Perhaps rubbing will feel best to your partner. I won't bother to repeat it for every kink but as always: communication is key! Ask your partner what they like, and talk to your partner about your kinks before you have sex, not during.

There's also petrol/gasoline/oil kinks. While petrol and oil kinks are not precisely the same, I'm grouping them together because they both involve liquids. Some cars may enjoy putting petrol in places other than their petrol tank, like their windscreen or their grill or their bonnet. Others may enjoy the feeling of having a slightly overfull petrol tank during sex. Others may enjoy the use of oil to feel especially slippery, which can also help prevent damage and uncomfortable rubbing -- it's always good to reduce some of the friction so you don't have to go to the mechanic afterwards, but some enjoy the sensation of going dry, too.

Exhaust kink involves inhaling what comes out of the tailpipe. It can produce a heady feeling or it can make things go a little hazy at the edges. As you may not be fully in control of your faculties once you've inhaled, it's a good idea to agree what sex acts you're doing beforehand so you don't have to worry about something happening that you dislike.

Inflation of tyres is exactly what it sounds like -- similar to the feeling of an overfull petrol tank, some like to pump their tyres full of air to the point where it's not really advisable to drive very far in case your tyre pops, but you can always get a portable air pump to prevent that risk. 

Mechanic play can be fun -- one of you dressing up as a mechanic, perhaps using a hat which can be acquired at any good costume shop, and do a road worthiness check or a tune up -- whatever you like.

Car crash play is sometimes controversial, but you shouldn't feel ashamed if that excites you -- it's just important to have very clear discussions with your partner and know your limits. Safety is also key! Some enjoy doing a little damage, which is easy enough to fix at the mechanic.

These are just a small selection of kinks, and you shouldn't feel limited by them -- I'm sure you'll find cars who have the same interests and experiences as you if you go on the internet.

**Today's Homework:** What does a Pixar's Cars car look like on the inside? Is it all flesh? Is it a carlek? Obviously this does not have to be carlacc lore compliant. Go for your life with weirdness. Do they have steering wheels and gear shifts? They have doors and windows and mirrors, what's up with that? Curious Minds Want To Know.

* * *

The most interesting biological possibility for pixcars, in my opinion, would be many-tentacled, fleshlike beings that hop from shell to shell as they outgrow them, like hermit crabs! this implies the eventual existence of a King Crab-esque PixCar, that possibly inhabits the car/shell of a tank, or maybe an industrial forklift

* * *

I think it you open the door of a Pixcar and get inside you'll be transported to :scream: a world full of "humans". It's a shell around a portal between realities.

* * *

personally i think cars r filled with other, smaller cars like matryoshka dolls, until u get to the center and find a bunny eating a carrot inside the tiniest car. the speed at which it takes bites determines the car's thoughts. the carrot is infinite and the bunny is immortal

* * *

I like how it isn't possible to explain PixCars without delving into at least mild eldritch horror

* * *

Are you trying to tell me PixCars aren’t actually operated by eldritch horrors? I don’t even want to think about the tentacles needed to make the whole thing work

* * *

I think PixCars aren't from this realm but they've been around long enough that we've accepted their existence and assumed they are us. Like the lizardcar folk. Or Carliens. They occupy car shells to appear like us but in private they shed the shell and reveal their true fleshy, tentacled form.

* * *

It's meat. It's all meat. I had a dream last night that a pixcar's door opened and chunks of meat just...fell out. The meat. It just kept coming. At first it was horrifying, but after a while I became desensitized. It was almost soothing. You really can get used to anything. I was thinking about homework, actually, but my math homework, not this one. And I was doing it--in the dream, obviously--but as I was working on it I sort of forgot about the meat.

You would think there's no way to just forget about something like that, but it really faded into the background! Like an air purifier or a waterfall. It had started making a different noise by then, because meat falling onto the floor is a different noise than meat falling onto other meat.

It was still full of meat when I woke up. I don't think there was an end to it, but I could be wrong.

Anyway, that's what's inside of Pixcars.

* * *

In my opinion, PixCars are more akin to insects. Their internal mechanisms mimic those of beetles, they shed their exoskeletons during growth, and reproduce by laying numerous eggs. As for why they adopted the shape and size of cars, perhaps to blend in better to the increasingly industrialized world they evolved in (or, perhaps, invaded...). This also helped them feed on the unwitting human population: a person would mistake one of the PixCars with their own car and try to enter it, and before they knew it they would become stuck in the digestive fluids and sticky mucilage that coated the innards, pulled inside enough that the PixCar could close the "door", and never heard of or seen again. This eventually led to the extintion of Humanity, who found out what was happening when it was too late... After this, the PixCars adapted to consume fossil fuels and, once they achieved sentience, adopted and reconstructed whatever remained of human civilization.

* * *

As much as that picture with a blob McQueen (you know which one) bothers me, I think it's a logical explanation: plastic/metal/whatever exterior hiding a gray matter interior, which also has enough space for actual engine and assorted things. Presumably the gray matter (brain and soul of a car) takes all the space that's usually reserved for passengers, thus ensuring that the car isn't that easy to flat (as opposed to something that has a lot of air inside). Mouth and speaking are harder to explain, but either the engine has a space in the centre that gives space to mouth and voicebox, or the engines are always in the back, regardless of how the car is shaped.

* * *

Some models moved to having external storage compartment due to evolutionary pressures. This means that they must chose between their respiratory systems being impacted during a carling's gestation or the risky act of gestating the carling externally. But modern medicine has allowed for the creation of temporary shells that allow a truck to carry a carling to term in the external storage compartment without worrying about the carling's safety.

* * *

Honestly, I think that PixCars are just... normal cars, but instead of some amorphous human blob inside, I think it's just a shell for a human to pretend to be a Car! The eyes are a screen and the mouth is motorised, and everything is just a mechanical feat designed to impersonate Cars and fool us all!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please ignore the fact that I kind of sort of imply that cars have arms or arm-like structures that can reach out and stroke things in this lesson. Do you know how ridiculous it is to try to write these? Feel free to make up reasons why they might be able to do that. Also I think I've finally found the threshold where I'm slightly disturbed by car sex. It exists, apparently.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Everything You Never Wanted to Know About Car Sex](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29605017) by Anonymous 
  * [Untowed Mysteries- Ep. 66: The RSU Dorm War of 2021 (part 1) [TRANSCRIPT]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29868102) by Anonymous 




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